THE EVENING MY TIARA SLIPPED
Some may think I’m carrying this “queen” thing a tad too far, but what the hey! We only live once, right?
I’m a middle school teacher who tends to say yes to anyone who asks me to head up a school committee or come up with new and innovative ideas for the classroom or head a fund raising committee…especially if I’m asked in May to chair the September function. It’s really a devious ploy by the requestor who knows by the end of school all I’m thinking about is getting out the door without a serious injury that might interfere with summer vacation. I’m in a weakened mental state - easy pickings.
That’s exactly what happened in May 2005. The last day of school I found a note in my mailbox asking me to meet the principal after lunch. See? After lunch meant I’d be more likely to agree with any request because I’m full, and I’m counting minutes. It worked.
I agreed to chair a Chamber of Commerce fund raising committee composed of faculty members.
“It’ll be so much fun, Lonnye Sue. You are just the person to do this; it’s right up your alley.”
Flattery always helps, too.
“What is it?” I asked wearily.
“It’s an adult spelling bee. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Last year one school’s team dressed up as bumble bees! They were called ‘The Spelling Bees.’ The money goes into the Chamber’s mini-grant fund for teachers. You’ll be great at this! It’s not until September so you have a long time to work out the details. I’ll send all the information to you as soon as I get it.”
By the time school started at the end of August, I’d not heard one word from anyone. To make a long story even longer, I had exactly three weeks to organize a team, decide on a team name, find costumes and, oh, teach. It’s a good thing I’m queenly! I delegate well.
Finally, the evening arrived. My team of six women and two men taught all day before heading to the country club for the event. “Tim and Dean and the Dictionary Divas” arrived wearing jewel-encrusted foam tiaras and feather boas, fedoras and bling-bling out the wazoo, but we paled in comparison to other teams. For encouragement, I gathered my team and told them we would beat the stingers off all those silly-looking people running around in stupid custom-made costumes because we were TIM AND DEAN AND THE DICTIONARY DIVAS, BY GOD! Hoohaa!
The Chamber’s helium balloons hovered over us as we struggled through round after round of excruciatingly difficult words, but we held our own, spelling “egregious” and “inion” and “truculent” and “oblate” and “mulct” in time to ward off the “Killer Bee” who was just itching to pop those balloons.
Three hours later, our tiaras slipping and our boas molting and the bling-bling tarnishing, we were put out of the running when we couldn’t spell “plenipotentiary.” (That’s one I won’t ever misspell again.) Beaten by teams with names like The Bee-52s and Spell’s Angels.
Before Killer could make his way to our table, I stood – regally, of course – took off my Captain’s button, popped every one of those helium-filled monsters and exclaimed, “A diva never gets popped!”
I suppose the more than $20,000 we helped raise was worth the effort, but I had to take a mental health absence the following day. That darn foam tiara gave me a headache!
© Lonnye Sue Pearson, 2005
A Mississippi Delta native, Lonnye Sue Sims Pearson teaches English to eager eighth graders in Wayne County, North Carolina. Her work has been published at http://www.usadeepsouth.com/, where she is Associate Editor, as well as http://www.asouthernjournal.com/ and in the Mississippi magazine Tombigbee Country.Three highly active grandchildren and a neurotic dachshund keep Ms. Pearson busy, but she is sporadically working on her first novel and a humorous cookbook.Contact Ms. Pearson at deltamiss2002@yahoo.com.
http://www.queenpower.com/
disclaimer
I’m a middle school teacher who tends to say yes to anyone who asks me to head up a school committee or come up with new and innovative ideas for the classroom or head a fund raising committee…especially if I’m asked in May to chair the September function. It’s really a devious ploy by the requestor who knows by the end of school all I’m thinking about is getting out the door without a serious injury that might interfere with summer vacation. I’m in a weakened mental state - easy pickings.
That’s exactly what happened in May 2005. The last day of school I found a note in my mailbox asking me to meet the principal after lunch. See? After lunch meant I’d be more likely to agree with any request because I’m full, and I’m counting minutes. It worked.
I agreed to chair a Chamber of Commerce fund raising committee composed of faculty members.
“It’ll be so much fun, Lonnye Sue. You are just the person to do this; it’s right up your alley.”
Flattery always helps, too.
“What is it?” I asked wearily.
“It’s an adult spelling bee. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Last year one school’s team dressed up as bumble bees! They were called ‘The Spelling Bees.’ The money goes into the Chamber’s mini-grant fund for teachers. You’ll be great at this! It’s not until September so you have a long time to work out the details. I’ll send all the information to you as soon as I get it.”
By the time school started at the end of August, I’d not heard one word from anyone. To make a long story even longer, I had exactly three weeks to organize a team, decide on a team name, find costumes and, oh, teach. It’s a good thing I’m queenly! I delegate well.
Finally, the evening arrived. My team of six women and two men taught all day before heading to the country club for the event. “Tim and Dean and the Dictionary Divas” arrived wearing jewel-encrusted foam tiaras and feather boas, fedoras and bling-bling out the wazoo, but we paled in comparison to other teams. For encouragement, I gathered my team and told them we would beat the stingers off all those silly-looking people running around in stupid custom-made costumes because we were TIM AND DEAN AND THE DICTIONARY DIVAS, BY GOD! Hoohaa!
The Chamber’s helium balloons hovered over us as we struggled through round after round of excruciatingly difficult words, but we held our own, spelling “egregious” and “inion” and “truculent” and “oblate” and “mulct” in time to ward off the “Killer Bee” who was just itching to pop those balloons.
Three hours later, our tiaras slipping and our boas molting and the bling-bling tarnishing, we were put out of the running when we couldn’t spell “plenipotentiary.” (That’s one I won’t ever misspell again.) Beaten by teams with names like The Bee-52s and Spell’s Angels.
Before Killer could make his way to our table, I stood – regally, of course – took off my Captain’s button, popped every one of those helium-filled monsters and exclaimed, “A diva never gets popped!”
I suppose the more than $20,000 we helped raise was worth the effort, but I had to take a mental health absence the following day. That darn foam tiara gave me a headache!
© Lonnye Sue Pearson, 2005
A Mississippi Delta native, Lonnye Sue Sims Pearson teaches English to eager eighth graders in Wayne County, North Carolina. Her work has been published at http://www.usadeepsouth.com/, where she is Associate Editor, as well as http://www.asouthernjournal.com/ and in the Mississippi magazine Tombigbee Country.Three highly active grandchildren and a neurotic dachshund keep Ms. Pearson busy, but she is sporadically working on her first novel and a humorous cookbook.Contact Ms. Pearson at deltamiss2002@yahoo.com.
http://www.queenpower.com/
disclaimer
posted by Allyn Evans at 6:23 AM
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